Today I completed a scrapbook page on Harri-Hedgehog found here. What was meant to be a story on him developed into something more and it got me to thinking. Maybe I should write a post on what I was thinking right at the moment of the pages' conception. So here it is.
I looked at the face of this little boy and thought to myself, 'he is such a gem, a diamond in the rough, just a little digging and everyone could see how precious he really is, and not just to me but to his Creator'. That is the story I wanted to tell. And so it started, but within the confines of a box on my scrapbook page so my words had to be few. If I had had the space I would've continued the story with this...
There is nothing like motherhood to awaken in a woman every shortcoming she could possibly have. All played out in our childrens lives as they replicate what they have heard or seen or felt. We experience with our children the highest of highs and the lowest of lows, often in the same day.
We walk on air when our child jumps to get us a plaster because we've stupidly cut ourselves while making dinner. No need to ask for help, no fuss, just off the cuff... "Oh no Mum! You need help, I will get you a plaster". Awww, maybe I have done something right after all. I have taught my child compassion. Maybe they saw compassion in me? I'm doing a good job at this thing we call mothering.
Then we have the troughs in life where not a thing is right with the world. Children hurting each other, children hurting themselves, children hurting full stop. Too many examples to even bear typing out. And all can somehow lead me (and maybe you?) into feeling that somehow I have done something wrong. It is my fault my child is impatient, unkind, thoughtless and mean. If I were different then they may be too?
But nothing strikes fear into the heart of a mother quite like the arrow of judgement. Judgement of her children. Judgement of her mothering! It is one thing to feel completely inadequate in this momentous job we have chosen, and maybe even voice it to another. Quite another for someone else to point out our shortcomings as if they are an authority in our lives. I don't see many woman out there without the scars of a few stones that have been thrown in her direction. Whether in relation to parenting or not. A scar is a scar is a scar. I had the most ... debilitating, disheartening, bewildering ... experience of having a mother who I had looked up to telling me that my son is the result of my lack of parenting, or words to that effect. What?! Now that caused a scar!
Of course our children are a result of our parenting, atleast in part, I don't deny that at all. But walk a mile in my shoes before you cast judgement in my direction. Because I happen to believe that my children are pretty ok. I trust in the One who holds me, and them, close. We may not be your cup of tea, but then green tea may not be either aye? I happen to believe that we have sons that will grow to be great men of God, but ultimately it is up to them and Him! My son is beautiful, courageous, robust and encouraging. He is also thoughtful, caring, frightened of rejection, shy and reserved. He is the epitome of a paradox. If she stopped to see through the volume that emanates from him she would see that. We all have rough edges that get sanded down with time. My boy is a whopping big five years old. He is not the mature man-child that some expect. He is a masterpiece in production. Just sit back and watch the ultimate artist at work, for he has started a good work and will bring it into fruition at the right time. Don't worry yourself over my parenting. Tend to your own garden as best you can and I will do the same. Only next time, I won't be watching over your fence hoping to be a little more like you. I will focus only on my own patch from now on!
Ok, so I wouldn't have written all of that on my scrap page, but I do want to tell the world that my son(s) are great. And I do have a point in saying all of that do I not? I know my shortcomings believe me, and God points them out if I am a little slow on the uptake. I don't need criticism disguised as advice thank you very much. If you want to encourage others, encourage them. If you want to edify others please do. But speak the truth in love. We mothers are lions and lambs too. At once strong and weak. A paradox no? You don't know the weight your words can have on another. I have a challenge for anyone who happens to read this blog. If you go out this week or next and see a mother dealing with a child you are happy is not your own (for whatever reason - tantruming could be one), give her a pat on the back, a smile, a genuine comment of encouragement. Watch her face. Know that instead of crushing her with a that iron look of judgment, you are instead building her up for the job God has given her.
Blessings,
Steph
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