When two worlds collide

Today I had the most cathartic experience.  My past came hurtling full force into my present!

Heres a little snippet about me that may help explain.  A lot of people love to catch up with people from their past right?  Well, I am not one of them.  I am quite different now than what I was 10 years ago, let alone 20 years ago and I have had 'stuff' in my past.  My teen years were not full of fun and games.  Traumatic would be one word I would use to describe them. It was more a case of hold on and pray to make it through each day.  So I don't particularly like being reminded of them.  A bit of a sore point you see?  I'd rather forget those years - and for the most part I have.  I have actually blocked so much from my memory that whole chunks of time (and people) have been erased from my memory.  So.. hearing the words "I recognise you.." stirs up dread in me like nothing else ever has.  'Oh no' is the first thought that implodes through my brain, generally followed at an amazing pace with 'what do you remember about me'? (Which I don't particularly want the answer to).

So how did this..


Thats me on the left

meet this?



A super embarrassed Steph!

Well, a simple trip to the mechanics of course!  I had to check on the progress of some work on a car.  I had never been to this workshop before.  I wasn't my usual lovely self (cough cough) when I confronted the man in the office as after a few phone calls and several weeks the work still hadn't been done and frustration was starting to reign in my emotions.  So imagine my surprise (read.. horror) when he looked at me a little queerly and said those three little (yet horrific) words.  I. Recognise. You.  Talk about flooring me!

A flurry of questions followed, "where did you go to school"?  "how old are you"?  "whats your last name?" (odd that one, but anyway).  Then the big one, "Stephanie?"

At this point my hands are on the sides of my head and I've started to perspire a little.  I can feel the heat flush my face.

Then he hits me with it.  "I'm (insert first name), (first name, last name)"; 
"We 'went out' for a while, remember"?

How do you type a sound where you suck in your breath?  Because that is what I did!  Can you feel my pain right now?

In that moment I was thinking how did I not recognise him, and how do I cover up my complete lack of a memory/brain when it is quite obviously out there for all and sundry to see?  He was so gracious though, and what followed was a very enlightening conversation. 

You know how when you bump into an ex at the worst possible time  ie. wearing your sloppy jeans and totally unflattering top with your hair so not done and carrying what is probably 20 extra kilos, how you wish you could go back in time and put some effort into how you look that morning? 

Well, that didnt even enter my head straight away because he was so disarming, and nice!  He totally taught me something.  He saw I was mortified yet he put me at ease and we talked like old friends.  He's had quite a life.. not the least having 'done time' by the time he was 21 which according to him either makes you or breaks you etc etc.  For him it put him straight.  Phew! What really got me was this comment he made, quite candidly...

You may not get this, but for me it was a wow moment coming from the most unlikeliest of sources.

Fast forward a little.. driving home I was squealing (yes, squealing) "I'm sooo embarrassed" over and over.  By now my state of dress had caught up with me, and how rude I must have sounded when I first saw him.  Shame.  Little Harri-Hedgehog is sitting in the back asking why I am so embarrassed and giggling at how silly his mother is. 

Here comes the clincher...  I watched a Joyce Meyer programme about an hour later.  Dave and Joyce were being interviewed by Andy Stanley about their marriage and how her past had affected so much of her life.  Dave simply stated a some point in the conversation, "Its the journey, not the destination that makes life great".

Now I had a God moment!  A little shift in my thinking.  A little clarity breaking through the fog.  I dont need to deny my past.  That is denying a part of what makes me Me.  Running or hiding from it wont get me anywhere.  My journey is and has been chock full of challenges, and that is nothing to be ashamed of.  Joyce has often said "Im not where I should be, but thank God that I'm not where I used to be, I'm okay and I'm on my way".  And now thanks to a chance encounter I can have faith that people can see you for who you are today, not judge you on what may have happened yesterday.  The power those three little words had to instill fear in me are no longer so powerful!  And the next time my two worlds collide I may just embrace it!

By the way, Congrats go out to (insert his name) and his fiance who are getting married in a couple of weeks.  Enjoy the ride.  Its one journey you will want to remember!